GENESIS 30, or, "Babies!"

Jacob gets it on, then gets a lot of sheep

Juicier than an issue of US Weekly, Genesis 30 gives us all the intimate details of Jacob's love life. As you may recall in the previous installment, Jacob's first wife Leah has already given him four sons.

Well, this angers Rachel, Jacob's barren second wife, so she makes Jacob sleep with her maidservant. Because for some reason Jacob having children with her maidservant is somehow like him having children through Rachel herself. I don't know, Old Testament logic is hard to follow sometimes.

Jacob has two sons with Rachel's maidservant. Not to be out done by her sister, Leah makes Jacob sleep with her maidservant, giving Jacob two more sons. Then Leah pops out two more sons and a daughter, and finally God allows Rachel to give birth to her own son, Joseph.

The second half of Genesis 30 concerns itself with how Jacob acquires his flock. Jacob asks his deadbeat uncle Laban for some payment for all the work he's been doing for the last several years. Jacob makes him agree to what appears to be a modest compensation: Every goat or sheep of Laban's that has a spotted coat will go to Jacob. Since not many of Laban's flock have this kind of coat, he agrees.

Shortly after, Jacob pulls some kind of magical scheme where he is able to speckle Laban's unspeckled flock by putting branches from poplar trees into their drinking water. Don't ask me, I've tried to do some research to figure out how this works but have come up with nothing. Anyway, the point is, Jacob scams Laban out of more goats and sheep than he had bargained for. The upshot is that Jacob becomes a rich man.

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FYI: "Jacob sheep" is a kind of sheep that still exists today, and is distinguished by its spotted coat.

GENESIS 29, or, "I Would Do Anything For Love"

Jacob travels to Haran, meets his uncle Laban, and finds that he gets his sheistiness from his mother's side of the family.

Jacob is shaping up to be the most interesting hero of the Old Testament so far. Unlike the previous stewards of God's blessing who were more or less virtuous through and through, Jacob starts off as a scoundrel and gradually becomes a decent person.

When Jacob arrives in Haran, he sees a beautiful woman named Rachel, whom he is told is the daughter of his uncle Laban (brother of Rebekah).

Jacob helps Rachel water her sheep (this is actually a more impressive feat than it sounds, as it required the movement of a large stone off of a well, something that would normally take several men to do). Jacob then meets Laban, who offers his nephew work and tells him that he can name his wage. Jacob is not interested in money however; he has his eyes set on Rachel. Laban tells Jacob that if he will work for him for seven years, he can take Rachel as his bride.

Because Jacob is so in love with Rachel, to him the seven years go by like days. The time comes for Laban to hand over his daughter.

**

A feast is thrown, Jacob (I assume, though the Bible doesn't say this) gets drunk, and the next morning he rolls over to find that the person lying next to him in bed is not Rachel, but Leah, Rachel's plain-Jane older sister.



According to Laban, the custom in these here parts is to marry off the older daughter of the family before the younger daughter. And since Jacob already did the deed with Leah, they're as good as hitched. Jacob, who has swindled both his father and brother, is here swindled himself by his uncle.

Laban tells Jacob that he can still marry Rachel - if he agrees to work another seven years.

Jacob marries Rachel and starts his seven years of indentured servitude. Only, as Jacob later finds out, Rachel is barren.

Leah on the other hand, gives birth to four sons.

The Bible Two-Step: This is a new reoccurring feature I'll be posting. Sometimes the Bible will very explicitly depict its heroes partaking in behaviors or activities that in today's age are considered to be immoral. I get a real kick out of reading Bible literalists who are forced to come up with complicated arguments to justify, or "dance around", these questionable instances.

First up: polygamy.



Unless you're Mormon, polygamy is seen as immoral among most people. Yet here in Genesis 29, Jacob clearly marries two wives. Let the dance begin!

From www.gotanswers.org:

"Why did God allow polygamy in the Old Testament? The Bible does not specifically say why God allowed polygamy. The best anyone can do is “informed” speculation. There are a few key factors to consider. First, there has always been more women in the world than men. Current statistics show that approximately 50.5% of the world population are women, with men being 49.5%. Assuming the same percentages in ancient times, and multiplied by millions of people, there would be tens of thousands more women than men. Second, warfare in ancient times was especially brutal, with an incredibly high rate of fatalities. This would have resulted in an even greater percentage of women to men. Third, due to the patriarchal societies, it was nearly impossible for an unmarried woman to provide for herself. Women were often uneducated and untrained. Women relied on their fathers, brothers, and husbands for provision and protection. Unmarried women were often subjected to prostitution and slavery. Fourth, the significant difference between the number of women and men would have left many, many women in an undesirable (to say the least) situation.

So, it seems that God allowed polygamy to protect and provide for the women who could not find a husband otherwise. A man would take multiple wives and serve as the provider and protector of all of them. While definitely not ideal, living in a polygamist household was far better than the alternatives: prostitution, slavery, starvation, etc. In addition to the protection / provision factor, polygamy enabled a much faster expansion of humanity, fulfilling God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth” (Genesis 9:7). Men are capable of impregnating multiple women in the same time period…causing humanity to grow much faster than if each man was only able to produce one child each year."

You heard it here first folks: If you want to have a second wife, just make sure you're saving her from a life of prostitution!

**Lego pictures are from www.thebricktestament.com. Please go visit the site - it's wonderful!

GENESIS 28, or, "What exactly is a 'bustle in your hedgerow'?"

Jacob flees Canaan, falls asleep in the desert and has a trippy dream

Knowing that Esau is planning to kill Jacob, their mother Rebekah convinces Isaac that Canaanite women are not good enough for Jacob to marry. She wants her favorite son to marry a woman from her old home turf of Paddan Aram. Isaac obligingly sends Jacob on his way.

It seems that Isaac has had some time to cool off from the fiasco of the previous chapter. He tells Jacob to go forth, find a wife, multiply, and pass along Abraham's blessing to his descendants (the blessing, remember, that Jacob swindled from his brother).

All this fuss about Jacob not marrying a local Canaanite woman makes Esau think that maybe he shouldn't either. After Jacob leaves town, Esau goes out and marries a daughter of Ishmael.

Meanwhile, while Jacob is out traveling in the middle of nowhere, he tires and falls asleep. He has a dream where he sees a ladder (or stairway) connecting Earth to Heaven, with angels ascending and descending the ladder (or stairway). God is at the top of the ladder (or, you get the drill) up in Heaven where he speaks to Jacob, giving him the same basic spiel he gave Abraham - I am your God, you will be blessed through me, the number of your descendants will be like the dust of the Earth, yada yada yada.

In the morning, Jacob awakes with a new perspective and sense of purpose. Jacob realizes that the place around him is the house of God and a gate to Heaven, and so names it "Bethel", meaning "House of God". By the way, you can still visit this place; nowadays the city is called Beitin, and it's in the West Bank.

Jacob also declares the Lord to be his God, this being the first time we see him openly accept God.

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Now, I'd appreciate it if you'll indulge me a tangent that addresses something that's been on my mind recently, which I hope to circle back and dovetail into the story of Jacob I've just summarized.

I just finished reading a book by Kurt Vonnegut called "Breakfast of Champions", where he wrote: "Her name was Cynthia Anne, and she certainly didn't live very long until she was made dead again."

After reading this line, I paused. There was something about the phrasing of that last part: "dead again". The "again" of course being the artistry of the line, the bit that anyone except Vonnegut would have left out. Here, Vonnegut is implying that one can be "dead before", or "dead previously". And I found myself immensely relieved by that thought. That one doesn't just "die". One "dies again".

Because, I don't know about you, but to me death is truly scary. Probably the scariest thing there is because it is completely unknowable to the living, and honestly, I'm sure that that feeling of uncertain dread is in part what is driving this blog.

But I have to remind myself that I haven't always been here, on Earth, in my body. I came from nothing (or, I suppose if you believe in God, something) and am just passing through on my way back to nothing (or something). Is this making sense? Whatever death is, we've been there before.

Maybe death is like being taken to a house from your childhood that you don't remember living in. You wouldn't be able to recall the color of the paint on the inside walls, or whether it had a fireplace, or a pool, or if the grass were green or brown. The only thing you would know, and in effect, the only thing you could really take comfort in, is the fact that you've been there before. It's where you came from.

So, maybe this feeling I had of connection with the great beyond is a little like what Jacob was feeling while he was in that dream, seeing this tangible thing that tied Heaven to Earth. Jacob's ladder is a reminder that death is the thing that will bridge us from this world to the next.

GENESIS 27, or, "Bless You"

With the help of his mother, Jacob cons Esau for a second time then flees for his life.

Back in the Old Testament days, blessings couldn't be wasted on sternutation - they were serious business. As we know, God blessed Abraham, who in turn blessed his son Isaac, who, now nearing death, needs to bless his own son.

Being blessed by God is like being a Highlander: There can be only one. So, being able to only pick one son to pass the blessing to, Isaac choses Esau, who has always been his favorite. Isaac tells Esau to go hunt and prepare a meal for him, and afterwards he will give him his blessing.

While Esau is out, Rebekah devises a plan so that Jacob, her favorite son, may receive the blessing. Knowing that Isaac is blind from old age, she prepares the meal herself, dresses Jacob in Esau's clothes and tells him to go into his father's tent pretending to be Esau.

Jacob complies. Though Isaac is suspicious because of the sound of Jacob's voice, the smell of his clothes convinces him that it is Esau he is talking with. Thinking Jacob is Esau, Isaac blesses him.

Things hit the fan when Esau comes back to discover that he has been swindled out of his blessing. Fearing for Jacob's life, Rebekah sends him off to live with her brother Laban in Haran.

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All this talk about blessings got me researching their role in Judaism. Turns out there's a lot of them. In Judaism, there's a blessing for when you wake up (Modeh ani), a blessing for safe journeys (Tefilat HaDerech), a blessing for eating non-fruit produce (Ha-Etz), and a priestly blessing that requires vulcan-like hand positioning.



Random Adorableness: Bless you, panda bear!



Also,

HOW COOL IS THIS?!?!

This site blew me away today. The goal of "The Brick Testament" is to tell the story of the entire Bible using legos.

Check out the site HERE

GENESIS 26, or, "GENESIS 20, or, 'GENESIS 12'"

God tells Isaac to move to Gerar; Isaac tries to pull the wool over Abimelech's eyes; Isaac gets booted out of Gerar for being too rich; wells are dug; Esau gets hitched

So far in this little experiment of mine, I've found that the Bible tends to repeat the same kinds of stories over and over again, to the point where you have to wonder - Are these really different stories? Or did they just become different stories as the originals were passed down through the generations by word of mouth?

Case in point: Genesis 26. Isaac settles in the land of Gerar per God's instructions, only to become nervous about the excessive beauty of his wife, and the threat to his safety when the men of Gerar came to notice said excessive beauty. He has a brilliant idea: Tell the townsfolk that Rebekah is not his wife but his sister!

The plan backfires when Abimelech notices Isaac and Rebekah in the midst of some serious PDA, feeling each other up in the middle of town. Abimelech gets the truth out of Isaac and tells the townsfolk to not mess around with Rebekah. She's taken.

Sound familiar? It should, since the same thing happened in Genesis 20 and Genesis 12 with Abraham and Sarah. In fact, in Genesis 20, the story takes place in Gerar, which is still ruled by Abimelech.

Let's do a little side-by-side comparison:

When the men of that place asked him about his wife, he said, "She is my sister," because he was afraid to say, "She is my wife." He thought, "The men of this place might kill me on account of Rebekah, because she is beautiful." - Gen 26:7

As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, "I know what a beautiful woman you are. When the Egyptians see you, they will say, 'This is his wife.' Then they will kill me but will let you live. Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you." - Gen 12:11-13

Also, there's all this other stuff about wells and making deals with Abimelech... It smacks of Genesis 21 to me.

Meanwhile, Abimelech had come to him from Gerar, with Ahuzzath his personal adviser and Phicol the commander of his forces. Isaac asked them, "Why have you come to me, since you were hostile to me and sent me away?" They answered, "We saw clearly that the LORD was with you; so we said, 'There ought to be a sworn agreement between us'-between us and you. Let us make a treaty with you that you will do us no harm, just as we did not molest you but always treated you well and sent you away in peace. And now you are blessed by the LORD." - Gen 26:26-28

At that time Abimelech and Phicol the commander of his forces said to Abraham, "God is with you in everything you do. Now swear to me here before God that you will not deal falsely with me or my children or my descendants. Show to me and the country where you are living as an alien the same kindness I have shown to you. - Gen 21:22-23

Am I right or what?

GENESIS 25, or, "This better be the best stew I've ever tasted"

Abraham dies, Isaac becomes the father of warring twins.

I am convinced now that above all else Genesis is about sibling rivalry, though this theme is often overshadowed by stories like that of creation or the binding of Isaac. First there was Cain and Abel, then Isaac and Ishmael, and now Jacob and Esau.

In a "circle of life" type fashion, the chapter where we learn about Abraham's death is the same one where we learn about Isaac fathering two sons - Jacob and Esau. Esau grows up to be a hunter, while Jacob is more of an introverted recluse. For some reason I kind of picture him as the goth kid you knew in high school who stayed in his room all day pumping music into his skull through over-sized headphones.

The major event in this chapter is when Esau, the older brother and chief inheritor to his father's fortune, is duped by Jacob. Esau comes back from hunting one day, starving, and he sells his entire inheritance to Jacob for a bowl of stew. "Look, I am about to die," Esau says, "What good is the birthright to me?"

N.B. Jacob, who will go on to be a major figure in the next several chapters of Genesis and will father the nation of Israel, gains all his money and power through swindling his own brother. I sort of appreciate how the heroes of the Bible are deeply flawed characters.

Genesis 24, or "Your Oath is Invading my Personal Space"

Isaac gets a wife; I race through this post so I can get some sleep

I'm going to keep this post short, as my bed is calling to me.

Abraham wants a wife for his son Isaac, but not just any wife, a wife who comes from the land and clan of his relatives. Abraham's servant swears to go out and accomplish this task. As we learn through the servant's actions, back in the Biblical days oaths were sworn by putting your hand underneath the thigh of the person you were swearing to. Thankfully this gesture eventually evolved into the hand shake, then the high five, and finally, the fist pump.

The servant arrives at Nahor (Abraham's hood from back in the day). He stands near a spring and asks the Lord to help him find the right girl. The servant prays that when he asks a girl to give him water, if she answers yes and offers to water his camels as well, she'll be the one he takes back to Isaac. A beautiful girl named Rebekah comes out and passes the test. The servant explains to her and her family the situation, she agrees to go back with him.

They return to Canaan where Rebekah and Isaac are married at once.

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In a strange coincidence, while researching this Bible chapter I stumbled across a series of books called "Women of Genesis" written by Orson Scott Card. One book is devoted entirely to Rebekah. The coincidence is that I just finished reading Ender's Game for the first time and am now reading Speaker of the Dead.

Card is a Mormon, which explains his motivation to write about the Bible. Maybe I should give these books a shot when I'm done with Speaker.